Faking Orgasms? Why & Why Not

Faking an orgasm. Is it ever OK, beneficial and positive? On an editorial note, I'm biased. I believe you should never fake an orgasm. But rather than explain in my own opinion, we'll let Bethany Kibblesmith explain the pro's and con's of faking an orgasm.

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If you’ve ever picked up a “woman’s magazine”, talked sex with a close friend, or seen an episode of “Sex and the City” or "When Harry Met Sally", faking orgasms has likely come up. Magazines often poll their readers often about this, and overwhelmingly readers respond yes. Yes, they’ve faked an orgasm before. In fact, check out the classic scene below detailing Meg Ryan's take on faking orgasms. Meg notes it's the partner who either confirms or denies the fake orgasm.

Rather than talking about a partner's view, we're talking about the person who's faking the orgasm. Now, I have a really strong bias on this issue. I won’t hide how my opinion lies on this one, but I want to fairly present the pros and cons of faking your climax, because this is a complicated issue. There are two sides to the question of faking it, and both should be equally explored.

For the most part, people fall on the side against faking it, but there are pros to stretching your sexual truth. Fake orgasms can do wonders psychologically. You can psyche yourself into an O by pretending you’re actually having one. It can also act as positive feedback for your partner, who can often feel inadequate or unattractive if you have reoccurring difficulty climaxing.

Pro's


Likely, sex does feel good, and by vocalizing in response to the pleasurable stimuli. You’re telling your partner that sex is feeling awesome, and that you value his or her efforts.

It says you are truly enjoying your shared sexual activities, even if the big O is less than genuine. Just because the ending was fake doesn’t make the moans, bites or other sexy responses you have during foreplay and intercourse any less genuine. The orgasm is undeniably part of sex, but that doesn’t lessen the delicious other parts of sex. A fake orgasm can also signal a more natural seeming ending to your sex-having.

Faking your orgasm may also seem like the nicer thing to do. Maybe your sex is hampered by a chaotic, stressful aspect of your life, unrelated to your partner’s actions and your reception of them. Maybe faking it until life calms down and climax comes naturally seems like the best way to get through a rough patch in an otherwise smoking hot sex life. It’s also possible you’re just not feeling especially sexual lately, and while sex feels good, climax isn’t in the cards. It’s no one’s fault, and we’ve all likely been there before.

Con's

This is where the downsides come in. By faking your climax, you aren’t facing or alleviating your difficulties in reaching orgasm. By giving your partner false feedback, you’re putting all kinds of roadblocks in your way. Choosing to fake it is like choosing to give your partner sexual silent treatment. It’s keeping a very important piece of information from the only other person involved in the problem you’re having.

Without communicating the difficulties you’re having, you’re depriving your partner of the opportunity to help you. It also robs you of the chance to learn more about each other sexually, what you like and what feels good to do together. Maybe clitoral stimulation, longer foreplay, a different position or series of position would give you the boost you need to reach orgasm. Your partner can’t read your mind, and faking your orgasm will never improve whatever is preventing you from climaxing.

The other half of my bias against faking it is this: dishonesty is dishonesty, no matter how or why you’re being dishonest.

For me, a fake orgasm is like lying to your partner. It’s hard to say something that will disappoint or hurt your partner, but imagine if you continued having climaxing trouble and come clean after weeks or months. I think you can imagine that’s likely a shitty feeling. If you aren’t communicating your feelings, nothing will get better.

We're very excited to have Bethany Kibblesmith as GetLusty's newest writer. She's passionate about keeping it sexy inside and outside the bedroom in her own relationship and in yours.  

Bethany is twenty-two and an English major. When she isn't scrambling to finish homework, she's with her boyfriend, reading, doing yoga or cooking. She enjoys the finer things in life like, secondhand clothes, warm showers, and socks without holes. She writes plays when she isn't writing for school or GetLusty. And if you meet her she will, without question, make a sex joke at some point. Email her at Bethany@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!

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