Sex Positive Parenting 101: How to Teach Children About Consent

It's easy for us to discuss sex and consent with other adults, but children are difficult. That might be an understatement for all of you parents out there. Sex-positive relationships don't only apply only to the grown-ups. Your kids need to know this stuff too. As awkward as it may feel, you need to protect your children from the dangers of this world. They need to know how to say "no" – what is appropriate and what is not. Airial Clark, the Sex Positive Parent, shares some first-hand advice on sex-positive parenting.

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Being a sex-positive parent

Being a sex-positive parent means believing that consent is the basis of all sexual activity. There will be times when you want to be sexually intimate with someone and there will be times when you don't. There are times when it's appropriate to act on sexual desire and there are times when it's not. We have to empower our children to say yes and no.

One of the many purposes of being a sex-positive parent is to protect our kids. Since we know the difference between ‘good sex’ and ‘bad sex’ we can teach our children to know that difference. Every parent who wants to protect their child has to have the conversation with them about their right to say "no" to unwanted touching and that if someone does touch them in an unwanted way they need to tell you. I had to have that conversation with my sons when they were 3 years old. Three. Let that sink in. I had to warn my children that someone may try to do something to them against their will. Let me tell you how angry that made me.

The sex-negative culture

How unfair and wrong those conversations are; yet, totally necessary because we live in a sex-negative culture where victims of sexual assault get shamed and blamed while predators get excused and ignored because our cultural understanding of sex is mired in shame, violence and oppression. I also had to tell them that if someone did violate them it was not their fault. I had to tell them that even if they were too afraid to say no, it still isn’t their fault and to never be afraid to tell me, that I would never be mad at them. And we’ve had these conversations over and over and over. Every time they start a new school year, every time they join an after school program, every time they spend the night at a friend’s house.

Children can’t give consent. Plain and simple. This is why we all need to call out media outlets that mislabel sexual assault and rape crimes as “Sex Scandals”. Sex means consent. Anything else is something else and we have lots of very technical names for those.

Our sexual health

So yes, an understanding of sexuality based on mutual pleasure and desire is what we want to impart to our children. This is more than just biological urges. This is the role that sexuality plays in our identities, it is the social reality of how sexual desire is expressed, it is how we view ourselves and each other with compassion. Our sexual health is just as important as our physical and mental health, and we can model that as parents.

The easiest way to go about this is to not be an abusive creep. The next easiest is not to be a hateful, misogynist homophobe. Then you go up a level if you just don’t know what to say and when to say it, so you don’t say anything… see? There are varying degrees of sex-negativity that parents can fall into. When do we start being sex-positive? When we take the time to have the awkward conversations, when we share our lived experiences, when we don’t shame our children, when we discuss consent.

Cross posted with permission from Airial Clark's blog.

Airial Clark is a San Francisco Bay Area based parenting expert and sexologist. She completed her master’s degree in Sexuality Studies by conducting original research on race, parenting and alternative sexuality in 2012, all while raising her two sons as a single parent. Airial is a contributing writer and content expert for several award-winning media outlets including Plaid for Women, the Good Vibrations Magazine, Shades Magazine, Oakland Local, and Fearless Press. You can download her Quick Start Guide to Sex-Positive Parenting at thesexpositiveparent.com

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101 Must-Follow Sex Positive Twitter Users for #FF (Part 2)

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101 Must-Follow Sex Positive Twitter Accounts for #FF (Part 1)

At GetLusty, we're all about empowering couples to have amazing sexual relationships. What better addition to Twitter's #FollowFriday (also #FF) than our top 100 favorite sex positive people? We follow these folks and really love their message. Our team has compiled a hefty 100 sex positive individuals and organizations to follow this Friday. We couldn't fit the entire list onto Blogger, so have split it in two!

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Individuals

@SarahSloane (Chicago)
Profile says: Sex & relationships educator, writer, introvert, manager of @PleasureChestCH, natural redhead (even if it's going grey)


@CarolQueen (San Francisco)
Profile says: Author, pleasure activist, Good Vibes staff sexologist, Center for Sex & Culture founding director.

@ninaland (Los Angeles, CA)

Name: Nina Hartley

Profile says: Join my new Facebook Fan Page and keep up with my news and be part of the conversation and help me build a new community. Nina.com

@TracyClarkFlory (San Francisco)
Profile Says: Salon.com sex reporter: http://www.salon.com/writer/tracy_clark_flory. Email: tracy [at] salon.com


@AudaciaRay (New York)
Profile says: Director of @RedUmbrellaProj, working to amplify voices of people in the sex trade, host of storytelling series & podcast. Reader, writer, fighter.

@CharlieGlickman (Oakland, CA)
Profile says: Sexuality workshop presenter, occasional university professor, sex geek, blogger, & writer.

@Shanna_Katz (Denver, CO)
Profile says: I'm a professional educator, writer & the like. I'm a queer, disabled, fierce Femme ...who loves cats & cupcakes, and the spectrum of sexuality.

@DebISIS (Oakland, CA)

Name: Deb Levine

Profile says:  Sex ed and technology go together like birds of a feather

@JaiyaNWSE (San Fran)
Name: Jaiya
Profile says: I have the best job in the world: teaching people how to have the best sex ever! I'm a somatic sexologist, author, filmmaker and media personality...

@CrystalSedona (Sedona, AZ)
Profile says: Tantra Teacher, Bliss and Intimacy Coach, Transformational Healer, Meditation and Self Inquiry Facilitator, Dancer, Midwife, Yogini 

@PassionAndSoul (Brooklyn)
Name: Lee Harrington
Profile says: Sexuality/Spirituality Author, Artist, Educator and Shaman at passionandsoul.com

@MoushumiAmour also @Motor_Amour (Los Angeles)
Profile says: Sex therapist / writer / filmmaker / host. blogtalkradio.com/sexlovenrocknroll

@drsuzy (Los Angeles)
Name: Dr. Susan Block
Profile says: International Sexologist and Horny Housewife. For info on Telephone Sex Therapy with the Block Institute or Adventures in BonoboVille call 213.291.9497

@AnitaWagner (Washington, D.C.)
Profile says: Thought leader, polyamorous relationships advocate, blogger, educator, sapiosexual

@LivingSexuality (Charlotte, NC)
Name: Becky Knight
Profile says: Clinical Sexologist and AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator. Promoting sexual health and sexual rights for all


@DebbieHerbenick (Bloomington, IN)
Profile says: Indiana Univ sex researcher, Kinsey sex educator, author of B/c It Feels Good, Read My Lips, Great in Bed, I Love You More Book, Sex Made Easy. Opinions my own.


@TristanTaormino (New York) 
Profile says: Author, Editor, Sex Educator, College Speaker, Feminist Pornographer, Activist, @SexOutLoudRadio Host. Site & tweets often NSFW, tristantaormino.com

@DrDickSexAdvice (Seattle)
Name: Richard Wagner
Profile says: Sex therapist and sex advice columnist. CEO, Daddy Oohhh! Productions. That savagely scintillating sexologist, Dr Dick

@fakedansavage (Seattle)
Name: Dan Savage
Profile says: Dan Savage is the author of Savage Love, co-founder of the It Gets Better Project, and stars in MTV's Savage U

@dravacadell (California)                        
Name: Dr. Ava Cadell
Profile: Dr. Ava is the author of seven books and is the resident loveologist to the Hollywood Stars.

@hlpleasurecoach (Los Angeles, California)
Profile says: "Sex, intimacy and relationship coach, sex positive educator, speaker, intimacy bodyworker, bondassage, adult product concierge blogger."


@FeliceDunas (Los Angeles)          
Name: Felice Dunas Ph.D.
Profile says: Felice Dunas is a public speaker, consultant and coach who uses her study of the human body and ancient medicine to better he lives of couples, families, individuals and health care CEO's.


@DanAndJennifer (Dallas, Texas)              
Name: Dan and Jennifer
Profile says: Founders of Ask Dan and Jennifer

@BetterSexTips                           
Name: Michael Smith MFT (Orange County, California)
Profile says: Michael is an AASECT certified sex therapist as well as an addiction specialist.


@DrJoyDavidson                   
Name: Dr. Joy Davidson (New York City)
Profile says: Author of Psychology of Joss Whedon, Fearless sex, and Joy Sot Sex Ed. Videos. She is also a sex therapist and psychotherapist.

@LoganLevkoff                
Name: Logan Levkoff, Ph.D.
Profile says: Author of How to get your wife To Have Sex With You and Third Base isn't What It Used To Be. She is also a mother, sexologist and sex educator

@maresimone                                 
Name: Mare Simone (Agoura Hills, Ca)
Profile Says: Mare Simone is a sex educator and sex coach with focus in tantric sex.

@HiOhMegan
Name: Megan Andelloux (Rhode Island)
Profile says: Megan Andelloux is a sexologist, sex educator and sexual right activist.

@DrRuthie                   
Name: Dr. Ruthie (Washington, DC)
Profile says: Dr. Ruthie is the author of The Nice girls guide to talking dirty. She is also a sex and relationship expert.


@DavidShade
Name: David Shade (Detroit, MI)
Profile says: America's renegade sex expert and author of "The Secrets of Female Sexuality"

@DrJohnB (Pittsburgh, PA)
Name: Dr. John Walter Beiter
Profile says: Creative and fun loving, sex therapist/researcher, PhD psychologist,
executive coach, helping people and relationships are my passion.

@YvonneFulbright
Name: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright
Profile says: Sexologist, relationship expert, sex educator and author.

@Candida Royalle (New York, NY)
Name: Candida Royalle
Profile says: I'm known for pioneering the concept of erotica from a wonan's point of view.


@jamye (San Francisco, CA)
Name: Jamye Waxman
Profile says: Sex educator, author, cuddler, and filmmaker.

@DrMartyKlein (Palo Alto, CA)
Name: Dr. Marty Klein
Profile says: Sex-positive sex therapist/marriage counselor, author, forensic expert on sexual behavior, pornography & obscenity, and lecturer.

@TheMamaSutra (Northern California)
Name: Lanae St. John
Profile says: Sex Educator, blogger, and sexologist.

@Violetx_xRose (London, UK)
Name:Violet Rose
Profile says: Courtesan

@AskLauriWatson (Raleigh, NC)
Name: Laurie J. Watson
Profile says: Sex therapist, author, blogger, radio and TV personality.

@bishtraining (London, UK)
Name: Justin Hancock
Profile says: Sex educator and editor of bishUK.com.

@YouShouldKnowCA (Vancouver, BC)
Name: Janet Madsen
Profile says: Sexual health, views & science for women, blogger, and HIV educator.

@DrSonjia (Miami Beach, FL)
Name: Sonjia
Profile says: Sex educator. My goal is to help people have easy, fun, and informed conversations that lead to more satisfying sexual relationships.

@EricPride (New York)
Name: Eric
Profile says: Educator on alternative lifestyles, kinky relationships, D/s and M/s dynamics, spirituality, and S&M.

@DrLauraBerman
Name: Dr. Laura Berman
Profile says: A leading expert in relationships and sexual health and host on @OprahRadio & @OprahWinfreyNet.

@SunnyMegatron (Chicago, IL)
Name: Sunny Megatron
Profile says: Pleasure advocate, sex blogger, sexuality educator. Teaches adult sex ed workshops across the U.S. w/partner Ken Melvoin-Berg.

@simonebienne (Los Angeles, CA)
Name: Simone Bienne
Profile says: Radio host, sex & relationship therapist, author, columnist, Ricki Lake Show Contributor.

@DrTSexCoach
Name: Dr. Nwachi Tafari
Profile says: I am a spirit and a learner. I am a life coach and sexologist.

@pamelamadsen (New York, NY)
Name: Pamela Madsen
Profile says: Fertility/Sex Educator/Coach, speaker, founder American Fertility Assn, author.

@SexualityToday (New York, NY)
Name: Dr. Stephen Snyder
Profile says: NYC sex and relationship expert, MD psychotherapist, writer.

@Doctor_Chelsea (Colorado)
Name: Dr. Chelsea Holland
Profile says: Doctor of Human Sexuality, sexologist, sex educator, sex counselor, writer, blogger, and sex-positivity activist.

@TheNikkiTrue 
Name: Chrystal Martin
Profile says: Award nominated sex positive blogger, sex educator, sex and relationship coach, and radio personality.

@CarlaTara (New York, NY)
Name: Carla Tara
Profile says: Intimacy expert, author, tantra master - seeking & sharing knowledge of love & intimacy.

@purepleasure (Santa Cruz, CA)
Name: Amy Baldwin
Profile says: Certified sex educator and head honcho of a mother/daughter-run pleasure shop specializing in high-quality adult toys and sex-positive sex-ed.


@dr_teesha (Vancouver, BC)
Name: Dr. Teesha Morgan
Profile says: Sex therapist, clinical counselor and educator.

@nandoism (New York, NY)
Name: Fernando (Nando) Rodriquez
Profile says: New City dating & relationship coach, speaker and web personality--conquering the world--one sexy blog and video at a time.

@SexpertJaneBlow
Name: Jane Blow
Profile says: Faceted sensualist, sex-positive educator & toy connoisseur from SI,NY. Blogger, know-it-all, specializing in workshops, outreach & deviant behavior.

@SexWithDrJess (Toronto, Canada)
Name: Jessica O'Reilly
Profile says: TV Host - @PlayboyTV's SWING, sex & relationship Expert (PhD), author, counselor.

@JustinLehmiller (Boston, MA)
Name: Justin Lehmiller
Profile says: Social psychologist, relationship researcher, and sex columnist.

@RobinsToyNest (Northern Virginia)
Name: Robin Mandell
Profile says: Yoga-practicing, book-reading, feminist sex educator.

@pervocracy (Massachusetts)
Name: Cliff
Profile says: A philosophical feminist, polyamorous, geeky, slightly loopy little pervert.

@Dr_NikkiG (Sydney, Australia)
Name: Nikki Goldstein
Profile says: Sexologist & relationship expert.

@DrPetra (UK)
Name: Petra Boynton
Profile says: Senior lecturer International Health Research, UCL. Studying sex/relationships, pregnancy, and parenthood.


@vanbakes (Dublin, Ireland)
Name: Vanessa Baker
Profile says: Journalist, sex blogger, writer, slam poet, vagina warrior, pro-sex, anti-violence, reader, lover, laugher, aspiring groupie, co-director of @hollabackdublin.

@sexgenderbody (Chicago, IL)
Name: Sexgenderbody.com
Profile says: An open, honest conversation about sex, gender, and body.

@YasiJasmina (Vancouver, Canada)
Name: Yasaman Madankia
Profile says: Sex researcher at SFU, sex educator at GoDo I.T., sex and relationship columnist at Danestaniha and @HushVancouver.


@LukelsBack
Name: C. Loftus
Profile says: Top site for porn star gossip & adult industry news.

@msnaughty (Australia)
Name: Ms Naughty
Profile says: Feminist pornographer, creator of porn for women sites and films.


@BSexPositive (Los Angeles, CA)
Name: Emily Prior
Profile says: I am the Director and Lead Presenter for the Center for Positive Sexuality. I teach and do private coaching about a variety of sex and gender topics. 

@ChrisRyanPhd
Name: Chris Ryan
Profile says: Psychologist, speaker, author of New York Times bestseller Sex at Dawn. Blogger at Psychology Today. Man about town.

@DrKarenSherman
Name: Dr. Karen Sherman 

Profile says: Psychologist/Author/Internet Expert/Professor helping you have an Empowered Relationship with others and reaching your fullest potential.

 

@DrGailSaltz

Name: Dr. Gail Saltz

Profile says: Psychiatrist, Psychoanalyst, bestselling author, and TV commentator on mental health, sex, and relationships for @todayshow etc. Happy wife, mom and learner. 

@GoGreen18 

Name: Laci Green 

Profile says: I'm a peer sex educator who makes sex positive vids! this is my personal account. http://www.youtube.com/lacigreen

Have we missed any? Do comment below! Thanks! 

You have read this article sex educators / sex positive / social media / twitter with the title sex positive. You can bookmark this page URL https://lucero-momentosdepasion.blogspot.com/2012/12/101-must-follow-sex-positive-twitter_14.html. Thanks!