Podcast! Kelly Shibari Talks Feminist Porn & Self-Acceptance (NSFW)

Kelly Shibari is not your typical adult entertainer. A successful business woman and self-proclaimed "intelligent hedonist," Kelly is out to break stereotypes about porn stars and take on obstacles dealing with body image.

We sat down to chat with her about her unique niche in the porn industry and why she couldn't be happier about it (which we recorded for your listening pleasure).

More on what we talked about:

• Born and raised in Japan, Kelly was aware of her weight at a young age. "I was always a bigger kid...it wasn't until I came to the states that I realized I wasn't as big as people made me out to be," Kelly says.
• Kelly believes working in porn helped improve her self-esteem and body image, and aided in shedding some of the negative thoughts she held as a child about her own body.
• Kelly's most recent film, "Kelly Shibari is Overloaded," is a different kind of porn in that is helps break the stereotype that plus-size porn stars are "just a pretty face" who don't do the extreme sex scenes that are generally reserved for more slender women.
• What makes "Overloaded" feminist porn for Kelly? Its sense of female empowerment and her being in control of the scenes. "If you're a gentleman, you get the sexiest part of me, if you're a jerk you don't get anything sexy about me," she says of her male fans who took part.
• Kelly believes "Overloaded" and similar films allow fans to see that you don't always have to be inside the box - be experimental and branch out, but put safety first, she advises.
• Tips for being comfortable with your own sexuality? Do your research before you experiment and find positive and fun in everything you do, Kelly recommends. Trying new things helps you find out what turns you on and what works for you!

More about Kelly:

Kelly is a voluptuous, naturally busty Asian porn performer/director/producer who has been happily breaking stereotypes about big girls, Asians, and pornstars all at the same time for the past six years. She runs several sites –PaddedKINK (NSFW), a plus-size fetish site; ThePRSMGroup, a social media consultancy for the adult industry, and KellyShibariXXX (NSFW), her personal site for fans of her porn work.

In 2011, she won the Feminist Porn Award for PaddedKINK, and was featured in Rammstein’s music video for their song “Mein Land”. She just released my first self-produced “fanbang” film, “Kelly Shibari Is Overloaded“ (NSFW), and is preparing to be one of the headliners for BBWFanFest, the first-ever adult convention for plus-size adult performers and models. She is also a recurring substitute co-host for Playboy Radio’s “Night Calls” and Spice Radio’s “YouPorn” shows. To connect with Kelly, visit her Facebook page or follow her on Twitter @KellyShibari.

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Podcast! Bonnie Gabriel on Talking Dirty

We've gotten several questions about the topic of talking dirty. We thought the best person to ask about pillow talk is the professor herself. As a speaker, educator, and author of the popular book The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice, Excite and Enchant Your Lover With Words, Bonnie Gabriel knows better than anyone that there is much more to arousal than just the physical.

So GetLusty's Erica Grigg caught up with Bonnie to chat about talking dirty. The "Professor of Pillow Talk" had lots to say about introducing wordplay into the bedroom. Read on!


What we talked about:

• Ever want to talk dirty? Bonnie included many tips and ideas!
• While most people think erotic talk means "talking dirty," it is actually only one aspect of a much wider topic. "Erotic talk is any form of verbal communication that arouses desire," says Bonnie.
• Feeling self-conscious about opening up verbally with your partner? Start slowly with erotic questioning and ease into connecting words to your feelings.
• Learning how to be an erotic listener for your partner can be just as important as being an erotic talker.
• "Create an erotic safety net with words" by being with your significant other in a nonjudgmental way. Instead of criticizing your partner, tell them what you want instead. Also, acknowledge and take responsibility for your own reactions rather than blaming them on your partner, Bonnie recommends.
• Learn each other's trigger words - use the words that commonly turn both of you on, or make up some of your own!
• Having trouble knowing what to say? Read erotic novels to each other to become more comfortable with erotic language.

More about Bonnie:

Bonnie Gabriel, M.A., has been teaching seminars on verbal erotica in the USA since 1992. She is author of the Bantam/Random House book The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice, Excite, and Enchant Your Lover with Words (available through Amazon.com).

Bonnie holds a M.A. in counseling from New York University and has taught at Bernard Baruch College (City University of New York), the New School for Social Research and NYU. Her warmth, wit, and wisdom make her a sought after speaker.

Called “The Professor of Pillow Talk” by San Jose Mercury News reporter Murry Frymer, Bonnie Gabriel has conducted seminars on sexual communication issues for such professional associations as the National Sexuality Symposium and the Association for Humanistic Psychology, as well as lay workshops for the Learning Annex, and sex ed classes for San Francisco State University.

To read more from Bonnie, visit her website and blog at lovetalk.org, or connect with her on Facebook and Twitter @PillowTalkProf.

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Podcast! Eric Amaranth on Keeping Monogamy Steamy

Eric Amaranth took an unusual approach to his training as a sex coach by apprenticing under the legendary Betty Dodson for ten years instead of going to graduate school, but he wouldn't change a thing about it.

Now with his own practice, Eric uses his unique form of therapy to help clients with intimacy and adding novelty to the bedroom. We chatted with him and recorded his insights for your listening pleasure.

More on what we talked about:

• What got Eric into sex coaching? He noticed a need for people who could professionally teach how to create pleasure rather than simply treating sexual abuse or dysfunction.
• He apprenticed under Betty Dodson for ten years, forming a long-running professional, emotional, and physical relationship with his mentor.
• Although he and Betty were non-monogamous, there are disadvantages to adapting that lifestyle, Eric says; jealousy, especially when your partner's other lovers have a skill or advantage that you don't possess, can be one of the biggest challenges.
• A big challenge for monogamous couples? Adding novelty and variety to your relationship. Try new things, add them to your repertoire, and practice, practice, practice! Sex can lose its excitement even if you're awesome in bed, he says.
• Waiting for someone to come along to help you recreate an explosive first time experience? Don't hold your breath, Eric says. Don't get overly attached to an isolated moment because it pressures your partner to recreate an event that may not be possible the second time around.
• What does Eric recommend add novelty to a long-term relationship? Turn off the TV! Even if it's just for 10-15 minutes, re-orient your priorities and you may be surprised how much time is left over for intimacy.
• Want sex to be spontaneous? Even when sex is planned, add anticipation by sending sexy texts to your significant other throughout the day to help build up to the big event.

More about Eric:

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Eric is not a psychology-based “sex therapist,” which is the term that the public uses to refer to every professional in his field, regardless of training background. After graduating from The College of William and Mary, he went on to become the ten-year protege of pioneering sex coach Betty Dodson, PhD.

Eric’s sex life coaching is made for adults. He has knowledge and methodology differences that set him apart from what psychology-based sex therapists have to offer. Individuals and couples are guided toward the sexual relationship, intimacy, and connection goals they desire most. Upon request, he also coaches his clients on the holistic wellness and sexual health and STD information he has successfully integrated into his own life.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in  love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by affectionate touch and breathtaking sexual capability. It’s what keeps partners close through the hard times. It makes partners and spouses into lovers, not distant roommates. It gives you hot sex as well as loving sex. It builds sexual desire and makes us feel alive and happy. This feeling is a crucial oasis. It lowers stress and improves our professional, marital and parenting lives. It also contributes to physical, mental, and emotional health and happiness.

Eric sees consistent success in his coaching practice with eliminating two things: clients’ infidelity interests or activities and considerations of breakup or divorce based on sexual problems and imbalances. Eric works with clients from all over the world toward his ambitious goal that his brand of sex life coaching would one day significantly reduce the instances of divorce. That’s the big picture that Amaranth wants to paint for people today and tomorrow.

Eric lives in New York City, in Manhattan, with his much-loved girlfriend. Connect with Eric on his website, www.sexlifecoachnyc.com, or find him on Facebook and Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

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Interview! Sexologist Megan Stubbs on Amazing Sex & Sex Education

We've been seeing the great work Megan Stubbs has been doing to help couples improve their sex lives. Well, we caught up with Megan and, of course, had tons of questions. How does one move closer towards the path of becoming a sex educator? Check out our interview below. Megan definitely had tons of great insights to provide to GetLusty couples. Learn more about Megan below our interview.

* * *


What do you find is most challenging for the couples in having amazing sex?

I think couples today really struggle with two main issues: communication and a lack of time. We live in a busy time where we are connected by our phones, computers, Facebook, and social lives. When it comes to our partners, we often take our time with them as a given.

People (couples included) often forget that the easiest way to get what they want, is to ask for what they want, or even need. And I often get strange looks when I recommend to people that they should schedule time for sex. I’m not saying pencil it in as “Sex with Kevin – 6:00pm Thursday”, but rather, set aside time for they two of you to be together. I had a professor that once said, “People will spend more time trying to fix their toilet than their relationship.” If time together as a couple is as important as you think it is, make time for it! It’s just the really simple things that people often overlook.

How do you think couples you see define 'amazing sex'?

I think they see great or amazing sex as when both parties are satisfied in more than just a sexual way. They are content in their relationship mentally, physically, and emotionally. Of course it can be different for everyone. Though, those also seem to be the main points that keep being mentioned by couples I meet and advise.

How do you measure success as a sex educator and sexologist?

Success to me is whenever I have been able to help someone. Whether it is me giving them permission to do something or helping them realize that they are “normal”, it reassures me that I am doing a good thing.

How did you get into sex education and sexology?

I would have to say it was my hidden destiny. I’ve always had a knack for science, so after high school I went to pursue a biology degree with a pre-med emphasis. Everything was going well until I realized that I couldn't do chemistry to save my life. That completely derailed my train to an MD.

I was in a slight panic because I didn’t know what to do with a general biology degree. It was happy fate one day at the grocery store that my path was illuminated for me. I was browsing through a magazine reading a sex article, and the thought “who writes these articles?” hit me. I saw the word “sexologist” and I said, “hmmm.” I went home and searched for degrees in sexology, as if such a thing existed. Sure enough, It was a real thing! After thinking it, I had always been that highly curious, sometimes inappropriate friend who was always reading or talking about sex. Once I saw that this was a valid career path, I was in! It has been a long road, but I finally graduated in June of 2012 with my Doctorate in Human Sexuality. I like to say that I am a happy blend of science and sex.

What do you find most challenging about being a sexologist?

It's very difficult, especially as a fresh graduate, to be taken seriously. First of all, here in West Michigan, hardly anyone outside of my group of friends has heard of the term sexologist. I often get asked what is sexology, what I do, and if I went to school for that. It is a combination of unfamiliarity and a certain level of taboo that impede me from doing everything that I would like to be doing.

Moreover, I have been met with positive reinforcement and people are genuinely excited to see what I intend to bring to our city. I’ve only had a few naysayers, but to quote Ellen, “My haters are my motivators.”

What's next for you over the next 6-12 months?

Just keep hustling! I’m at the cusp of being able to make the transition to doing sexology full time. I’ll be continuing my television and radio presence here in Grand Rapids and hopefully expanding to broader markets too.

I want to start offering monthly or bi-monthly workshops for men and women on various sexuality topics and that isn’t just limited to Grand Rapids! I will be leading seminars in Denver and Florida in 2013 at conventions hosted by SwingFest Events and fingers crossed, I will have my book I’ve been working on in the final stages of getting published. And of course I will be writing, reading, and researching all of the latest and greatest in sex and sexuality.

More about Megan

Dr. Megan Stubbs is a Grand Rapids-based Sexologist. She holds a doctor of education in Human Sexuality from San Francisco’s Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a degree in Biology from Grand Valley State University. She also Board Certified by the American College of Sexologists (ACS).

Dr. Megan is a firm believer that knowledge is power and that comprehensive sex education is not only valuable to budding teens, but to all of society. This Sexologist strives to break down the societal norms that sex is still a taboo subject and wants to normalize the conversation. She wants to empower everyone into taking control and respecting their sexuality.

Offering candid insights, sex positivity, and open mindedness, Megan is on the fast track to becoming one of the premiere voices in sex today. Increasing public awareness through sex education, media work, hosting seminars, and in one-on-one sessions, she hopes to make the world a little more open and communicative one day at a time. This multiracial sex educator is young, passionate, and ready to take the world head-on. 'Like' Megan on Facebook and Twitter @SexologistMegan.

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Podcast! Dr. Jenn on Tips for an Amazing Relationship

Dr. Jenn, also a writer for GetLusty for Couples, is an inspiring lady. We met her at CatalystCon, and since have been in a flurry publicizing the multitude of amazing things she's doing to save the relationships of couples everywhere.

We had a chat recently and recorded it for our audience. What a valuable resource for couples! Stay tuned, as we announce Dr. Jenn's first eBook especially for ladies

More about our podcast

• What drew Dr. Jenn to the human sexuality aspect of sociology? A self-proclaimed "good girl" when she was in college, Dr. Jenn joined the Sexual Health Peer Educators to become comfortable with public speaking and her interests in sex, sexual health, and power dynamics in gender evolved from there.
• What are girls taught versus what are boys taught growing up, says Dr. Jenn, presents a problematic power dynamic for women as it puts women at a disadvantage with less freedom surrounding sexuality. Society fosters negative and shameful feelings about sexuality, when it should really be open and widely discussed!
• What are some of the biggest issues Dr. Jenn's seen for couples? In younger couples, technology and social media becomes a factor in harboring jealousy, while in older couples there's the issue of boredom and difference in desires between genders.
• To cover both the younger couple's and the older couple's problems, Dr. Jenn suggests creating new habits, like weekly check-ins to discuss intimacy and topics they're working on as a couple.
• What are the benefits to a holistic approach in talking about sexuality? There are many layers to human emotional logic, Dr. Jenn believes; delving into deeper aspects of a person's psyche allows you and others/your partner to better understand the beliefs and experiences that make you you.
• How do you learn to boldly talk about sexuality in an open way? Look at it as a homework assignment, Dr. Jenn says, and agree each week to bring one new thing to your sex life. This will create a structure to make it less awkward and uncomfortable to talk about sex.

More about Dr. Jenn

Jennifer "Dr. Jenn" Gunsaullus, Ph.D., is a sociologist who works as a sexuality and mindfulness speaker, and a relationship and intimacy counselor. She specializes in helping women, couples, and groups deepen intimacy, strengthen communication, and improve trust and self-expression. Dr. Jenn got her start in the sex and relationship field 19 years ago as a sexual health peer educator at Lehigh University in her home state of Pennsylvania. She now merges her practical training in sexual health and academic training in sociology with her passion for holistic health and mind/body/spirit perspectives.

Dr. Jenn is a frequent lecturer on relationship and intimacy topics. From wine bars to yoga studies, college classrooms to senior centers, and the LGBT community center to Mensa gatherings, Dr. Jenn offers unique and powerful presentations on healthy communication and fulfilling intimacy. She has also been an adjunct professor for courses including Human Sexuality, Women & Health, and Social Psychology. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a "Sex & Relationship Expert" for San Diego Fox 5 News and San Diego Living. In 2010 she was named one of San Diego Magazine's "Women Who Move the City." In addition, she sits on the Advisory Circle for the nonprofit Jeans 4 Justice, is the co-facilitator of the Old Town chapter of Good Ol’ Gals (networking group), runs an empowerment group called Professional Women in Holistic Health, and is on the Communications Leadership Team for the nonprofit donor's circle Women Give San Diego.

"In the Den with Dr. Jenn" is a video podcast show, hosted by Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, which challenges the status quo and boldly discusses sexuality outside the box. The existing over 150 sessions are available for free through this website, YouTube, and iTunes.

Dr. Jenn tackles the tough questions you have, and the questions you didn’t even know you had, through merging the physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual, and political. The commentary and analysis will challenge you; the quirky creator and host, with a penchant for costumes and sexual fun facts, will keep you coming back for more. In the Den with Dr. Jenn is a delicious blend of contradictions – light and challenging, smart and silly, enlightening and playful. There is a lot to learn and enjoy about sex, health, and relationships at EVERY age! Find her on Twitter @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

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Interview! Ben Belenus on "The Sex God", Sex & Spirituality

We met up with Ben Belenus on Facebook. He was nice, friendly and just finished a book called, "The Sex God". Well, we haven't talked about God in a long time. Goodness, since our podcast with Melissa Jones, a Christian sexologist. So what better time to talk about spirituality and sex together? Why can't spirituality and sex be intertwined? At least occasionally? Tantric sex is an awesome form of making love that we hope to delve into more in a series on tantra. Without adieu, our interview below.

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* For you, why is sexuality & spirituality linked?

They are inseparable. Sex brought us all here. Birth and death are all a part of the sexual cycle of life. Sex is spirit. Let's celebrate it! I just finished some 500 hours of tantra meditations with my beloved. Those meditations have granted me direct experience of the spiritual possibilities that sacred sex can bring us. Very beautiful, very life affirming and utterly recommended. 

* How did you get into educating others about sex? (Would you call yourself a sex educator)? 

By accident really. I woke up one morning a few years back with a burning urge to write. I had never written anything before. I opened up my laptop and the words just flooded through. Apparently I was to write a book about sex! I got naked and tenderly revealed the most secret dimensions of male sexual thought and action. I am not sure many men write so honestly about sex. This process continued for another six months. My book ‘the sex god – No Mud No Lotus’ was birthed or channeled in this way. It was an effortless and enjoyable process. Honesty is an alluring phenomenon. Honesty is erotic. Authenticity is erotic. Now the book is published... I am suddenly educating others about sex!

* What is 'The Sex God'? 

If the sex god were me then my book would be called “The Sex God”, but it isn’t me. I am not a Sex God, but I do have within me a force of nature that behaves like a god. It is known as ‘the sex god’.

My sex god, is particularly omnipotent and it uses me to its own end. This unusual god is a motivational force that cannot be exiled. It’s an irresistible urge for union with my opposite energy polarity. It’s also a wonky force fuelled by nature itself, by karmic entanglements from the past or by wounded psychosis and addictive urgency.

Sometimes the surging agenda of the sex god cannot be overcome. It causes dense identification with its need. Its agendas are many and varied including giving, addiction, healing, guiding my life and most importantly taking me home to wholeness; the sex god wishes to give to a woman so deeply that the hearth-flower of her soul is opened so she can take me home.

In some men the sex god can be wreckless, causing them to go cause all kinds of harm to others. But it doesn’t need to be that way. The teachings of tantra can show us the way.

* How do you measure success as a sex educator? 

A good sex educator will show you that there is soooo much more to sex than orgasm, and that the best sexual experiences you will ever know can be had when you leave your ego and all its weenyness or superiority at the door.

* Who inspires you in the world of sex therapy & education?

Mahasatvaa Sarita, Margot Anand, David Deida, the man that is Ben.

* What's your favorite book about sex or sexuality?

Divine sexuality, Mahasatva Sarita. The way of the superior man, Deida.

* What are you looking forward to over the next year?

Over this next year I am looking forwards to spending more time in sexual samsara, spending more time with my daughters, and spending more time in exotic locations with my beloved. Professionally, I'm looking forward to another year of flow, wealth and being looked after by the universe. My next book which explores the realm of conscious relationship is coming along nicely, so it will be fab if that is published next year too.

More about Ben Benelus

Ben Belenus is a truth seeker, worshipper of women, practitioner of conscious relationship, mystic and Author. His juicy new book “The Sex God: No Mud, No Lotus” is a thorough and sacred investigation into sex, love and authenticity. It’s a sexually explicit and passionate love story that follows one man’s evolution towards spiritual freedom. The story follows Ben from innocence into sexual cockiness, painful infidelities, porn addiction and then onwards into deepest Tantric Love. Ben’s next book which is a deep exploration of conscious loving relationship will be published in 2013. 'Like' Ben Benelus on Facebook and buy your copy of, "The Sex God: No Mud, No Lotus" on Amazon.

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Lee Harrington on Relationships, Sex & Sexuality

Lee Harrington is a prolific writer, speaker, author, artist and BDSM expert and overall, an internationally renowned traveling sex educator. We followed Lee through the social media grapevine and of course we had to pry.

Why did you become a sex educator? What have you learned that you can share with us? He dished. And then some. Check out some of what we chatted about. Lee is a character and has some really interesting perspectives on sexuality.

What we talked about:

• Why Lee's experience in the adult film industry led to work as a sexual educator and prolific writer (of 20+ books)
• Where the inspiration for Lee's books comes from? Many sources, including the evolution and understanding of his own sexuality!
• Why being transparent about his own journey, has led many participants, readers and observers open up about their own evolutions and struggles.
• What are some of the prevalent relationship struggles Lee sees with the couples he works with? One struggle, he says, is when people have certain sex and relationship expectations based on cultural myths. Why? There's shame from deviating away from these cultural expectations.
• Having problems (sexual or emotional) in your relationship? Lee recommends couples choose a safe space, outside of the bedroom, as a neutral ground where they can share their feelings with each other and discuss deep-seeded issues.
• What is Lee looking forward to? He's doing a "whistle stop tour" across multiple cities with classes and workshops on alternative lifestyle and kink communities. More than anything, he's excited about seeing where the adventure takes him.                                                                     

More about Lee:
Lee Harrington is an internationally known spiritual and erotic educator, gender explorer, eclectic artist and award-winning author and editor on human sexuality and sacred experience. He is a nice guy with a disarmingly down to earth approach to the fact that we are each beautifully complex ecosystems, and we deserve to examine the human experience from that lens. 

Lee’s been traveling the globe (from Seattle to Sydney, Berlin to Boston), teaching and talking about sexuality, psychology, faith, desire and more, and has no intention to stop any time soon. He has been an academic and an adult film performer, a world class sexual adventurer, an outspoken philosopher, is a kink/bondage expert, and has been blogging about sex and spirituality since 1998. Read more about Lee's ventures at PassionAndSoul.com, connect with him on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter @PassionAndSoul. 

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Podcast! Pepper Mint on Polyamory & BDSM

At CatalystCon, we bumped into poly and BDSM enthusiast Pepper Mint. As the founder of FreakSexual.com, Pepper had some wonderful insight for us at GetLusty into the exciting world of polyamory. A San Francisco native and son to "open-minded parents" Pepper is all about successful relationships. For the monogmous and polyamorous alike, Pepper offers insights into making relationships work.

More on what we talked about:

• Can monogamous people can learn anything from the polyamorous community? Yes! Pepper believes that monogamous people can improve their relationship skills (including dealing with jealousy and insecurities) in addition to learning good communication skills and managing their feelings. 
• How did Pepper get into BDSM and polyamory?
• Although Pepper is a non-monogamist, he notes sometimes it's not a good idea for couples to "open up" their relationships; non-monogamy becomes problematic if the existing relationship is not solid, he says.
• A non-monogamous lifestyle can be successful, however, if you're drawn to variety in your relationships and you don't go into it blindly; take your time, learn about polyamory and do your research before you dive in
• Curious about polyamory? Pepper talks about the first steps in exploring, "outside of the box"
• Pepper talks about the difficulties of relationships, both polyamorous and monogamous; all can have a hard time keeping their relationships "fresh", although he thinks having, "occasional" lovers helps.
• Why is polyamory more popular? Pepper has seen more and more polyamorist attendees at events and media recognition for poly/alternative lifestyles

More about Pepper:

Pepper Mint is an avid blogger and advocate for polyamorous and alternative lifestyles. He's hosted and spoken at numerous events, including non-monogamy how-to classes and talks to college sexuality classes about polyamory.

He has also co-run larger events such as the OpenSF Conference, Poly Asylum Burning Man camp, and Poly Speed Dating. When not out and about advocating polyamory, you can find him writing frequently about it on his website at www.freaksexual.com or out and about on dates with his three girlfriends and five occasional lovers. Find him on Twitter @freaksexual and subscribe on Facebook.

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